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Serenity to Accept the Things I Cannot Change
John 14:27; John 16:33; Luke 22:41-44; Hebrews 12:1-3
New Joy Fellowship, I’m glad to be with you again. If you missed last week, I’m Tom’s consuegro, which means our children Alana and Matthew married each other. I’m also a pastor at Priest Lake Christian Fellowship in Antioch, Tennessee, and I’m blessed to be able to be a direct part of what God is doing in your fellowship for a little while.
Last week we talked about this prayer as a petition to God – asking Him to give us things that we need. This week we will look at the first thing we are asking Him for – serenity – but I want to emphasize that this is something we are asking God to give us. I may overemphasize this point because it is so easy for me to pray and prayer like this, but interpret it as, “I need to work harder to be serene (or courageous, or wise)” instead of admitting that on my own, I will never reach that goal, and what I am doing is asking God to give me something that I can’t do for myself, and trusting that He wants to do that, is capable of doing that, and will do that in response to my prayer.
So this week, we will focus on asking God for “the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.” Serenity may not be a word you use often in your daily life – I know it isn’t common for me – so let’s talk a little bit about what serenity is. Or maybe we can begin by talking about what it isn’t.
Do you ever feel like life is coming at you faster than you can handle? As soon as you put one fire out, the next one starts. Or you run from spinning plate to spinning plate, trying to keep them all going so that nothing falls to the ground and smashes. Do you hit the pillow at night worn out because your whole day was lived trying to fix one thing after another, solve one problem after another, and clean up one mess after another? Or even if the circumstances you are in are fairly routine and predictable, do you find that your mind can move at breakneck speed, bouncing from one worry to another, and never quite able to settle into a place of peace?
And it’s not just our individual lives, it is also the world around us. We are surrounded by conflict, anger, violence, unpredictability, and rapid change. It seems like as soon as one war ends, another begins. Our neighbors argue, our kids fight, our marriages have tension, and we see all kinds of pain and suffering in the communities around us. It’s no wonder that we often have trouble coming to a place of peace in ourselves!
In fact, the peace that we need and are designed for is not something we can find in ourselves anyway. As Augustine, one of the great church fathers, said, “God, You have made us for Yourself, and our heart is restless until it finds its rest in You.” Serenity – peace – true rest. It’s something we receive from God, and that may be why this prayer begins by asking God to give us serenity – a peace that goes beyond anything that the world can experience or that we can create for ourselves.
The world’s peace is dependent on circumstances. My family goes to a vacation spot in West Virginia every two years called Capon Springs and Farms. It is a beautiful place in the Appalachian Mountains. When we are there, I have a week of real rest and relaxation. The most difficult decision may be whether to have a slice of cherry pie or a brownie with ice cream and hot fudge for dessert (and sometimes I do both). Our kids are all old enough to take care of themselves, and Mom and Dad pay for everything, so it is easy to lay in the hammock and read a book while smelling a hint of bacon cooking on the cool mountain breeze. I usually turn my phone off for the week, so the outside world doesn’t intrude. And my greatest disappointment may be missing a short putt on the mountain golf course. When everyone is having a fun time, getting plenty of sleep, and no one has to do anything but have fun, it is pretty easy to find peace.
Then we come back home. And we find that life has all the same problems it had when we left. The bills are still due. The truck still has no working air conditioning. The child without a job is still without a job. Our friends’ marriage that was struggling when we left is still struggling. That sick relative has gotten worse. And for that matter, the neighbors have gotten a new dog that barks. All. Night. Long. The peace that comes from living in comfortable circumstances has evaporated. In fact, it likely didn’t survive the traffic on the way home.
But Jesus offers us something different. In John 14:27, He says, “27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives.” It’s pretty obvious that what Jesus is describing is not dependent on what is happening around Him. Judas has just left to betray Him. He has told Peter that Peter will deny Him that very night. And when this conversation ends, they will head to the garden, where He will be arrested and then brought to trial and executed. Most of the disciples will flee. And yet, Jesus has peace to offer them in the midst of trouble. In fact, later in this same conversation, in John 16:33, Jesus says, “33 I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
There seems to be a connection between the peace Jesus offers and a confidence that He has overcome the world. And in these chapters of John, Jesus is also preparing the apostles for the coming of the Holy Spirit to continue the work He has begun. So peace (or serenity) is connected to the work of the Holy Spirit as well. In fact, John makes this connection again after the resurrection. In John 20:21-22, when Jesus appears to some of His followers, He says to them, “21 Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you. 22 And with that he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit.” I think Jesus is making it pretty clear that if we are to receive the peace that He is offering to us, the serenity to walk in assurance that Jesus has overcome in the middle of events that would seem to say the opposite, we will have to receive this gift through the Holy Spirit. This is why we need to ask God to grant us this serenity.
So what does it look like to walk with serenity through a chaotic and painful world? This prayer talks about accepting what we cannot change. Let me begin by saying this: accepting does not mean approving. There are many things in our lives that we do not, should not, and cannot approve. But one of the things that gets in the way of our peace is when we attempt to insist that the world simply must be different than what it is. Jesus’ peace did not depend on the loyalty of His closest friends, the justice of the Roman governor, the religious and spiritual maturity of the leaders of God’s chosen people, or living a pain-free life. In fact, He maintained His peace, His serenity, through the betrayal of His closest friends, the injustice of a cruel government, the hypocrisy and manipulation of the priests, and the brutal physical suffering of the cross.
How did He do this? Partly, by accepting that those things were part of God’s will for Him. By trusting that since His Father is Good, He will not allow anything that He does not intend to use and redeem for good. This does not mean that Judas or Peter or Pilate or Annas or Caiaphas or the centurions carrying out the sentence were right. They were wrong, and in need of forgiveness. But Jesus trusted that God would make all things right in the end, and that faith carried Him through the pain, not just of the cross, but of His entire misunderstood life up until then. The cross was not the beginning of Jesus’ suffering, but its culmination. And yet He lived in peace. In serenity.
Have you ever noticed how rarely Jesus seems flustered? How infrequently He seems to be in a hurry? And how willing He is to accept some situations that were not what He wanted them to be, coming to the highest and clearest point in the garden. Luke describes this in Luke 22:41-44 “41 He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, 42 “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” 43 An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. 44 And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.”
Accepting the Father’s will did not keep Jesus from asking if there was another way. It didn’t keep Him from experiencing pain and anguish as He asked. But it did give Him the ability to walk through this night with assurance that, no matter what happened, His Father was ultimately in control, and He could accept those events with confidence and serenity, even though they were going to be indescribably painful for Him on many levels.
We also face things in life that are painful, unjust, and difficult. And one of the things that derails peace is trying to insist that the world should not be this way. On the one hand, we are right – this is not what God wanted from the beginning. But on the other, we can only live with God in the life that is in front of us, and that means accepting many things that we cannot change. What are some of the things we can’t change? Things that are outside of our control? The weather. The decisions other people make. Whether or not I keep my job. What happens with the economy over the next year. Who runs for president. How long it will be until my car breaks down. Do I have some influence over some of those things? Yes, in some cases I do. And we will talk next week about the courage to change the things I can – to take the actions that God does want me to take in my life. But that will not be enough to make sure that these things go the way I want.
In fact, that’s a good thing. If I could control all those things in my life, what would that make me? Well, it would make me a god. Lowercase g. And I know when I am honest with myself, that a life that runs according to my own plans, wishes and desires is not going to work out in the long run. Not for me, and certainly not for the people around me. Instead, I have to turn my life and my will over to God. And part of that means accepting that, for today, this is the life He has given me to live. With its joys and pains, with its heartaches and its celebration. This is what Jesus did.
And what Jesus has done, He wants to empower us to do. The Hebrews writer says, “12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” (Hebrews 12:1-3) Now remember, the witnesses the writer refers to in chapter 11 includes people who faced a lot of suffering: jeers, flogging, torture, stoning, prison, poverty, mistreatment, persecution. And he says we have it better than they do, because we can look to Jesus Himself. Jesus endured with hope and peace (serenity) because He saw the joy that was coming. He saw resurrection. He saw our reconciliation with God. And that helped Him keep going – not just trudging along, but walking in joy because He knew that what He was facing was leading to an outcome that God had guaranteed would be good.
Brothers and sisters, we can have that same joy. In fact, for us, we can already see that resurrection has begun in Jesus. He is the firstborn from among the dead, but we know by faith that we will be raised to life to join with Him. A key part of the serenity that comes from accepting things we cannot change now is the confidence that God will right all wrongs, exterminate all evil, and bring us fully into His kingdom of joy and peace.
As we wrap up this week, let me say one more thing about asking God for serenity. The most valuable things God has given me in my life have come as part of a long process. God rarely answers my prayers with instantaneous transformation. I believe He can. I know sometimes He does. But it has been much more frequent that He works on me gradually, over time, to form and change my character into the character of Jesus Christ. I did not ask for serenity once and receive it forever. But as I have continued to ask, to seek, to knock, I find that He is faithful to give it to me one day at a time. And Jesus talks about that, too. Matthew 6:34 “34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
When I pray, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, I am not praying it generically for all things that will ever happen. I am praying it for this day, this moment, this circumstance. I am asking for the serenity to accept the fact that I hit a pothole and have a flat tire that will make me an hour late to my next appointment. I am asking for the serenity to accept the reality that one of my children has just made a decision is not what God wants for them. I am asking for the serenity to accept that my performance this month did not give me the bonus I had hoped for. I am asking for the serenity to accept that it rained during the one good slot I had to work in the yard. And over time, I have found that God has expanded my ability to receive the serenity that He has for me in each of those moments and walk in confidence that His future for me is good – even if that good is a good that I experience after the resurrection.
I’ll close again this week by praying the Serenity Prayer, and if God leads you, please feel free to join me in learning and praying this prayer.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardships as a pathway to peace.
Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it to be.
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will – that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever.
Thank you for letting me be with you last week at New Joy, and for listening today. May God bless you and keep you as you go through this week. In the Name of Jesus, Amen.









