After his son committed a horrific crime, David was caught between the need for justice, and his love for his son. He didn’t know how to reconcile justice and love, so he did nothing. God faces the same dilemma with us, his children. But God did satisfy the demand of justice, while at the same time, satisfying his great love for us. 2 Samuel 13 reminds us of why it was so important for Jesus to do what he did for us.

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This is surely one of the most difficult passages in the entire bible. There are a few others like it, but that doesn’t make it any better. The first twenty verses describe a rape. The detail of the actual sin is not graphic, but the writer takes time to describe the premeditation that went before it. It is all the more awful because it was also incestuous. The bare facts are that David’s eldest son Amnon raped his half-sister, Tamar.

Leviticus 18:9 and 20:17 expressly forbid sexual relationships between brother and sister – even half-siblings, which they were. In fact, it is forbidden, even between adopted siblings. And of course rape—of any person—is always forbidden. But this is one of the cases where even the most non-religious do not need to be told that this was a vile, despicable, evil act. Even without the bible, the vast majority of human beings still know that this is wrong at every level.

Amnon, the one who committed the crime, was the firstborn son of David, and heir to the throne. He was the crown prince. Chileab, David’s second son, is not mentioned anywhere here, so it is probable that he died when he was younger. Therefore, the next in line after Amnon was Absalom, David’s third’s son, full brother of Tamar.

A quick language note. When it says that Amnon “loved” Tamar, it is the Hebrew word ahab, (pronounced something like uh-hahbv). This is a flexible word with many different meanings, just like “love” in English. It can mean romantic love, or friendship love. But it is not the word hesed, God’s unfailing covenant love, which we have previously learned about.

When we read the passage, modern readers might be surprised and wonder at Tamar’s attitude after the rape. Ancient Israelites thought very differently about certain aspects of sexuality than we do. Of course it was a horrific act of violence that was done to Tamar. But following that, she seemed to want to remain with Amnon. Amnon, however, once he had satisfied his lust, despised his sister:

¹⁵ Then suddenly Amnon’s love turned to hate, and he hated her even more than he had loved her. “Get out of here!” he snarled at her.
¹⁶ “No, no!” Tamar cried. “Sending me away now is worse than what you’ve already done to me.”
But Amnon wouldn’t listen to her. ¹⁷ He shouted for his servant and demanded, “Throw this woman out, and lock the door behind her!”
¹⁸ So the servant put her out and locked the door behind her. She was wearing a long, beautiful robe, as was the custom in those days for the king’s virgin daughters. ¹⁹ But now Tamar tore her robe and put ashes on her head. And then, with her face in her hands, she went away crying. (2 Samuel 13:15-19, NLT)

Of course the rape was horrible and traumatic. But why would she say that sending her away was even worse? It’s like this: Even worse than the sense of personal violation was her sense of public shame in the culture of that time and place.

Because Amnon had raped her, she was no longer a virgin. Because of that, no other man would ever consider marrying her, even though it wasn’t her fault in any way. It’s unfair and stupid, but that’s the way the culture was at the time. So, if Amnon had not kicked her out, but instead had gone to David and gained permission to marry her, Tamar would have at least been able to retain a respectable standing in the community. Her only chance of living an honorable life was if Amnon married her.

The brutal reality is, she would have had no expectation of marrying for love, anyway. She was a princess in 1000 B.C., and her marriage would probably have come about as part of a political bargain. She would not expect to even know her husband before hand. So if Amnon had married her, it would not have been much different, from her perspective, than what she expected anyway.

But his rejection meant that she now would never be married. Not only that, but in those days, having children was a very big deal. If Amnon rejected her, Tamar could be certain that she would never have children, because no one else would ever marry her. The rape was one event that was over quickly. I’m not minimizing it, but clearly, for Tamar herself, there were other factors that were equally important. Because Amnon refused to “make an honest woman of her,” her shame, and her loneliness were going to continue for the rest of her life. So he not only violated her personally and stole her virginity, but by also kicking her out he doomed her to lifelong shame and loneliness. In one way you might say that in Tamar’s mind, it wasn’t fully rape until Amnon revealed that he didn’t want to marry her. Once he showed that, the full weight of her tragedy came down on her.

This is probably difficult for most people in Western culture to understand. I have spoken to Muslims, and people who live in Muslim nations, who, even today, understand Tamar’s perspective.

Obviously, it was horrible for Tamar. This event also had to be hard for David. He surely must have thought that Amnon was following in his own footsteps: He sees a woman he wants, and he takes her. Only, Amnon’s sin was even worse than David’s, because it was rape, and incest. So David’s sin has been multiplied and is even worse in the second generation. Nathan’s prophetic words are beginning to come true.

Two years later came another horrific crime. Absalom, Tamar’s full brother, was furious with his half-brother Amnon, for the rape. We learn a great deal more about Absalom later, and so I think it is safe to assume that Absalom also saw that taking revenge for the rape would clear the way for himself to become the crown-prince – David’s primary heir, and heir to the throne.

So Absalom waited and schemed. Eventually (two years later), he invited Amnon and his other brothers to a feast, where he had Amnon murdered.

Not only did Amnon follow in David’s footsteps with lust and sexual sin, but now Absalom has followed David by committing conspiracy to murder.

There are clearly so many troubling things in this text, but one of them is a bit subtle. If we pay attention, we notice that David, apparently, did not do anything about the rape. Why is this? It might be that this frustrated Absalom, and led him to the sin of murder, and later on, rebellion. So what do we make of David’s inaction?

There are several possible explanations, of course, but I want to focus on three main ones.

First, in all fairness, the text doesn’t actually say when David learned of the crime of rape. It just says that he was furious when he found out. So there is the possibility that he found out only shortly before Absalom held his murderous feast. The text does show that David hesitated when Absalom wanted to invite Amnon to the feast, perhaps thinking of the rape, and wondering if there would be strife between his two sons. If David had only learned about the rape shortly before the feast, then it could be that Absalom took matters into his own hands before David himself had a chance to do anything.

A second way to look at it is this: Amnon committed a terrible crime. But David had done something similar, himself. Thus it might be that David found it too difficult to judge his son harshly for doing something like what he himself did. He might have felt like a hypocrite. What David did was lust. Lust is not merely sexual – lust means demanding that we have what we want, on our own terms, no matter what. So you can lust after food, power, money, success, the perfect body – anything that you demand to have, and work to get, regardless of the consequence. So the root sin—lust—was the same in both David and his son Amnon, though it took different outward forms. Therefore, David’s own sin may have cost him the moral fortitude to be a just and righteous ruler of his own family and kingdom. I see this quite often in our own culture. There is so much sin going around, that everyone is afraid to call any of it wrong, because people might point the finger back and say, “what about you?”

But if we have accepted God’s judgment of our sin, repented and received forgiveness, we should not feel bad calling sin the evil that it is. If we can agree that it is evil in us, it shouldn’t be a problem saying it is evil everywhere.

But there is a third possibility, and this is the one I favor, because I think it is true to the character of David, and to the overall message of scripture. I think David did not hold Amnon accountable, because he was trying (though failing) to reconcile justice and mercy; truth and forgiveness. The crime was real, and heinous. It had to be punished. And yet the punishment, at the very least, (according to Leviticus 18:29) was that Amnon should be stripped of all of his rights as a prince, and a citizen, and exiled for life. Some interpretations of the law might have even meant the death penalty. So to bring justice meant that David would be separated forever from his first born son. David clearly loved Amnon, as shown by the fact that he grieved for him for three years after his death. David, manifesting the heart of God, had a deep commitment to justice. David, manifesting the heart of God, had a deep love for his children. But David could not find a way to reconcile both that justice and that love. To follow love would mean justice would not be satisfied. To follow justice meant love would be forsaken.

And here, once again, is Jesus. God faced the same dilemma as David, only on a much larger scale. All of his children—all of us—have harbored sin and wickedness in our hearts. We have all fallen. We may not have sinned outwardly as heinously as Amnon, but the thing in Amnon’s heart that made him sin is also in our hearts. Amnon manifested what is in every human heart, and that shows us the deep need for justice. The law says we should be punished by eternal separation from our heavenly king and father. God will not violate that law. But he also loves us with an everlasting, deep, wild, love and he will not compromise that, either.

David could not reconcile love and justice, so he did nothing. But God did do something to reconcile the two. He sent Jesus. Justice for all of our sins was done—upon Jesus. Our unrighteousness was severely punished. It was punished in the person of Jesus Christ. Justice was done upon his body and soul. Jesus became a human precisely so that he could take that punishment upon himself. But because he was pure and remained God, that punishment did not destroy him like it would have destroyed us. And so, because of Jesus, justice was done. And because of Jesus, God can show his love to us, with no barrier.

We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are.

 For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.  Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins.  For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood. This sacrifice shows that God was being fair when he held back and did not punish those who sinned in times past, for he was looking ahead and including them in what he would do in this present time. God did this to demonstrate his righteousness, for he himself is fair and just, and he declares sinners to be right in his sight when they believe in Jesus. Romans 3:22-26 (New Living Translation)

As I said last time, we do need to receive, through faith, the justice and love offered by God. It has been accomplished for us, but if we do not believe we need it, or if we do not trust we have it, or if we don’t want it – it does us no good. If we are unwilling to repent, if we want our sin more than we want God, we are rejecting the sacrifice of Jesus.

Unfortunately for him, Absalom shows us that this is true. He did not seek justice from his father. He did not trust the king to satisfy the demands of justice. Instead, he took matters into his own hands. In the next chapter, we see that when Absalom wanted something from David he knew how to get it. When he wanted to be pardoned, and later restored, he was persistent and cunning until David responded. But in the case of Amnon and Tamar, Absalom never even tried to get David to do anything. In fact, from the start, he pretended that the incident meant nothing to him.

Perhaps he didn’t trust David to be both loving and just. I think also, he didn’t trust his father, the king to take care of him.

I think it is also almost certain that Absalom realized there was an opportunity here for him. Tamar’s rape gave him an excuse to remove Amnon, the one person ahead of him in the succession to David’s throne, so that it would not look like ambition, but rather an attempt at justice. The reason Absalom had for murdering his brother might just make David and the people sympathetic enough so that when it was all over, they would still accept Absalom as the next heir to the throne. I think is likely that at some point, Absalom decided to do this for both revenge and in order to become the next king.

Absalom did not seek justice from David for his sister. But even if he had, and David refused, it did not give him the right to commit a sin himself. We might do this with God in lesser ways and in lesser situations, and in some ways, it is worse for all that. David was king. He had the right to deal with Amnon however he saw fit, even if it didn’t meet Absalom’s expectations. As it turned out, David gave Absalom himself mercy rather than justice. Absalom surely had no right to demand that David withhold mercy from someone else.

God is our king. He has the right to deal with his creations however he sees fit. When it comes down to it, at great cost to himself God offers us mercy rather than justice. Do we have the right to demand justice for some person or situation, even while we depend upon his mercy for ourselves?

Sometimes we try to take matters into our own hands because God doesn’t seem to be doing anything. I think when we do that, it can lead us down a path toward rebellion, just as it did with Absalom.

What Amnon did demands justice. Justice was given, through Jesus. That allows love to also be given, and reconciliation to happen. Let the Holy Spirit speak to you today about the need for both, and about accepting both things from the Lord.